Daunting Definitions

This week we discussed what marriage and kinship is in terms of different cultures. If I learned anything it’s that there is not a definite definition. Many cultures have many different ideas about what a marriage should be, consists of , and what it is based on. In some cultures like the Tibetans in Goldstein’s article marriage recognize polygamy, while others such as Indians in Nanda’s article recognize arranged marriage. We read about various types of marriage including polygamy, arranged, walking-marriage, and monogamy. Even classifying marriages though doesn’t even begin to include all types of marriage. Because even if a culture believes in monogamy, doesn’t mean it’s between just a man and a woman the dominant culture norm in America. Polygamy comes in different forms as well depending on if it is multiple wives or husbands. Some marriages are consecrated and recognized legally, others are much, much more casual. However even though there are many differences in the types of marriages we read about, it was clear there was an underlying theme in all of them, all of the marriages were based on the society and culture around them. Although a polygamous marriage seems crazy to us, to the Tibetans it is justified by the need for a family to stick together to farm, much like we in America need a monogamous secular family in order to move around. There are many other cultural norms that play into a culture’s view on marriage, in America we base it on love and monogamy a little bit because of our Christian background and values that the country was originally founded on, other cultures have the same kind of reasoning and influences behind their definitions as well. The idea of defining what is marriage seems rather daunting when exploring how different every culture views it, however the idea that the definition of marriage is based upon culture is very clear.
One of my favorite quotes from our readings this week was in the Nanda article on arranged marriage, there was an Indian girl who said something to the like of hearing about how American girls had to worry all the time about finding the right guy to marry, but for her and the girls in her culture they could enjoy their life and let their parents do the worrying. I think this quote struck me the hardest because it really showed how our definitions of marriage effect our everyday life and even our personal happiness. As I thought about my conversations during the week, there wasn’t a day I couldn’t think of where I hadn’t talked to at least one friend about dating and finding a guy. Considering myself pretty young I guess this is shocking to me, because I don’t feel like the worries of marriage are something that affect me, but even the process of dating is something we have learned from our culture as something we should worry about because it leads to marriage. The girls in India have learned to spend their youth enjoyably, and let their parents worry about who is right for them. Our definitions of marriage effect our definitions of life, which both definitions seem to come from our experiences and enculturation with in our culture. Wow that’s a lot of defining!!!!