Daunting Definitions

This week we discussed what marriage and kinship is in terms of different cultures. If I learned anything it’s that there is not a definite definition. Many cultures have many different ideas about what a marriage should be, consists of , and what it is based on. In some cultures like the Tibetans in Goldstein’s article marriage recognize polygamy, while others such as Indians in Nanda’s article recognize arranged marriage. We read about various types of marriage including polygamy, arranged, walking-marriage, and monogamy. Even classifying marriages though doesn’t even begin to include all types of marriage. Because even if a culture believes in monogamy, doesn’t mean it’s between just a man and a woman the dominant culture norm in America. Polygamy comes in different forms as well depending on if it is multiple wives or husbands. Some marriages are consecrated and recognized legally, others are much, much more casual. However even though there are many differences in the types of marriages we read about, it was clear there was an underlying theme in all of them, all of the marriages were based on the society and culture around them. Although a polygamous marriage seems crazy to us, to the Tibetans it is justified by the need for a family to stick together to farm, much like we in America need a monogamous secular family in order to move around. There are many other cultural norms that play into a culture’s view on marriage, in America we base it on love and monogamy a little bit because of our Christian background and values that the country was originally founded on, other cultures have the same kind of reasoning and influences behind their definitions as well. The idea of defining what is marriage seems rather daunting when exploring how different every culture views it, however the idea that the definition of marriage is based upon culture is very clear.
One of my favorite quotes from our readings this week was in the Nanda article on arranged marriage, there was an Indian girl who said something to the like of hearing about how American girls had to worry all the time about finding the right guy to marry, but for her and the girls in her culture they could enjoy their life and let their parents do the worrying. I think this quote struck me the hardest because it really showed how our definitions of marriage effect our everyday life and even our personal happiness. As I thought about my conversations during the week, there wasn’t a day I couldn’t think of where I hadn’t talked to at least one friend about dating and finding a guy. Considering myself pretty young I guess this is shocking to me, because I don’t feel like the worries of marriage are something that affect me, but even the process of dating is something we have learned from our culture as something we should worry about because it leads to marriage. The girls in India have learned to spend their youth enjoyably, and let their parents worry about who is right for them. Our definitions of marriage effect our definitions of life, which both definitions seem to come from our experiences and enculturation with in our culture. Wow that’s a lot of defining!!!!

Backwards

This week we discussed gender and the effects of culture upon gender. Lassiter uses the image of grafting, to explain how we learn culture, especially that of gender roles. I thought the big picture of this week was how much enculturation really happens and how we are so deep in our culture we don’t even realize we were taught to think a certain way. There were a lot of good examples to explain this big picture, starting with gender. Sometimes we forget that sex is purely biological, but all the stuff that defines our gender and our roles in our gender are taught to us. I love the Fischer Price commercial which really showed how gender is seeped into our media as well, girls are cutesy and play with dolls and boys are rough and rowdy and play with cars. Although this may be true in America these standards and gender roles aren’t necessarily true in all cultures. A second example of enculturation is the teaching of beauty, in America we obviously put emphasis on being thin, so the article on the fattening room seems unfathomable to us, again something we were taught by standards of society and the media around us. To the Nigerians being fat is a sign of beauty and to them it could possibly be unfathomable that people get surgeries such as lypo, or starve themselves, or go on crazy fad diets in order to be thin and look good. These examples of beauty and gender really reflected the big picture of enculturation, because gender and beauty aren’t things we necessarily attribute to culture first off,we don’t realize all the roles and standards we put with these things, especially gender, are taught to us not encoded in our DNA.
When I was thinking about this week’s topic and big picture I thought it was interesting how everything I read on gender roles really related women to the nurture and housework gender, in many different cultures, but especially our own. So although I know this stereotype from some of my favorite tv shows like Leave it to Beaver or The Brady Bunch, to me it was still almost culture shock to read, because I guess I learned and lived/ was enculturated much differently. I grew up where the male/father did all the domesticated work, cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids, (and driving the mini-van) because his schedule as a teacher allowed it while the female/mother was the business woman/CFO busy at work. I thoroughly loved how my life seemed backwards to these culture norms presented about gender. Although I know there are many other families like this in our culture and probably other cultures as well, it really allowed for me see how culture and gender are taught and not inherited. I had a “backwards” view almost or at least was able to take a step back and see how different families even provide their own twists on enculturation with in a culture. What I learn is not what every one else learned about their culture, and in the big picture of the world it’s important to recognize that. Although another culture seems backwards, we must recognize what we learned is not what everybody else learned.